Setting Boundaries With Visitors Postpartum

Welcoming home a new baby is undoubtedly one of the most life-changing experiences a family will ever encounter. The first couple of weeks home from the hospital are often filled with constant changes, questions, excitement, and emotions. While having support from family and friends can be hugely beneficial postpartum, a house full of people can oftentimes feel overwhelming as well. Today we are talking about setting boundaries with visitors postpartum.

Your baby: your experience

First, let’s start by talking about all the personal choices that come into play when having a baby, and the opinions that the people closest may have regarding the decisions that you make with your newborn. It’s not uncommon for people in your life to tell you what they think you should or shouldn’t do in regards to birth, postpartum, and parenting; most of the time, this is coming from a place of love, but it can leave families feeling confused and lacking confidence. This is something that every parent experiences throughout parenthood. We like to remind all of our clients that there are many ways to parent and encourage new parents to find what works best for them.

Postpartum and your first weeks home with your new baby is when you will be figuring out your individual rhythm, and you may change how you do things multiple times. Visitors such as your parents, partner’s parents, or friends with kids will want to help. They may offer unsolicited advice around parenting, baby care, baby sleep, postpartum healing, and more. Most of the time this is coming from a place of love, but when you are a new parent and postpartum these opinions and pieces of advice can feel very overwhelming and isolating. We are here to remind you that each experience is different postpartum, and we encourage you to continue to make the choices that work best for your family during this time.

Start planning before your baby is born

Setting expectations with family members and friends before you welcome home your baby can be hugely beneficial. For example, you may be excited about your mother-in-law coming but know that you would like her to wait two weeks after the birth of your baby to visit. Or you know your sister will visit, but you would like her to stay in a hotel instead of your house. Talking about your preferences ahead of time and setting clear boundaries can help to ensure that your personal needs are met while postpartum.  This can also help set clear expectations with family members and curb disappointment or confusion.

Create a task list

Creating a task list for visitors can be beneficial to you and help your guests feel like they are of use while visiting your family postpartum. This can be simple things like filling the water filter, changing a load of laundry, or emptying the dishwasher. What’s better than having a visitor who also helps! We recommend putting this list somewhere easily found, like on the refrigerator or next to the front door.

Add a note to your front door

Putting a note on your front door with your wants and needs while visitors are over can help as well. This way, you don’t need to feel under pressure to relay your needs to each guest, but they have a clear idea of what their visit should look like to accommodate your needs. Your note could say something like, ” welcome, please remove your shoes before entering.  Please wash your hands with soap and water once you come in. We are so excited for you to meet our baby, but please keep your visit short. There is a task list on the refrigerator if you feel so inclined to help. We are so happy you are here!” This will help to ensure that you are getting your needs met.

Ask for help setting boundaries if needed

Visits from loved ones can be both sweet and helpful postpartum, but they also can be overwhelming at times. If you have a hard time setting boundaries with loved ones, consider asking your partner or friend to help. This may look like your best friend arranging visiting times or your partner letting a family member know to keep visits shorter. Sometimes, when we are in a vulnerable state, setting boundaries can feel overwhelming. This is a perfect time to ask for some help! Also, if you are working with a postpartum doula from the Bay City Doulas team, we are happy to help!

This is your experience

At the end of the day, this is your experience and your baby! When coming up with your postpartum plan, consider what your plan will be with visitors, and practice setting healthy boundaries for postpartum before your baby is born. Each family postpartum experience is different, and this may lead to you wanting more or less outside interaction while postpartum than planned for. We invite you to put yourself first postpartum and do what is best for you.

Thank you for reading this week’s blog “setting boundaries with visitors postpartum.” We hope you found this blog useful and can use the tools provided to help you write your postpartum plan. For more helpful tips on all things pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenthood check out our other weekly blogs.