Overcoming Mom Guilt

Motherhood is often depicted as a blissful journey filled with love and joy. However, behind the smiles captured in family photos and the tender moments shared between parent and child, there lies a difficult side that many mothers struggle with: mom guilt. This feeling can creep into even the most confident of mothers. It can cause them to doubt their abilities and question their choices. In this blog post, we’ll talk about what mom guilt is, its common triggers, and, most importantly, strategies for overcoming it and prioritizing self-care.

Defining Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is a complex emotional experience. It includes feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and regret experienced by mothers about their parenting decisions or perceived shortcomings. For some it shows up as feeling guilty for taking time for yourself, not spending enough quality time with your children, or making choices that are different from societal or familial expectations.

Common Triggers of Mom Guilt

Comparison: In the age of social media, it’s all too easy to fall into the trap of comparing oneself to other seemingly perfect mothers. Seeing curated snapshots of other families’ lives can fuel feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. Remember that social media often portrays an idealized version of reality. Behind every picture-perfect moment are struggles and challenges that may not be obvious to the viewer.
Work-life balance: Balancing career goals with motherhood responsibilities can be challenging. Many working mothers experience guilt for not being able to devote as much time to their children as they would like. Meanwhile, stay-at-home mothers may feel guilty for not contributing financially to the family. Striking a balance between work and family life requires setting realistic expectations and boundaries. There needs to be open communication with employers and family members about your needs and priorities.
Self-care: Mothers often prioritize the needs of their children and family above their own, neglecting their physical and emotional well-being in the process. Taking time for self-care activities can trigger guilt as mothers feel selfish for prioritizing themselves over their children. However, self-care is not selfish—it’s essential for maintaining overall health and well-being. By prioritizing self-care, mothers can replenish their energy reserves and better meet the demands of parenting.

Strategies for Overcoming Mom Guilt

Practice self-compassion: Research has shown that practicing self-compassion can help mothers reduce feelings of guilt and self-judgment. Instead of beating yourself up for perceived shortcomings, treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend facing similar challenges. Self-compassion involves acknowledging your own humanity and embracing imperfection. It is important to recognize that you’re doing the best you can with the resources and support available to you.
Challenge unrealistic expectations: Recognize that no parent is perfect, and striving for perfection is not only unrealistic but also bad for your mental health. Embrace the concept of “good enough” parenting. Focus on meeting your children’s basic needs and fostering a loving and supportive environment rather than striving for unattainable ideals. Set realistic expectations for yourself and celebrate small victories along the way rather than dwelling on perceived failures or shortcomings.
Reframe negative thoughts: When feelings of guilt arise, challenge them with rational and compassionate self-talk. Remind yourself that it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and that taking care of yourself allows you to be a better parent in the long run. Practice gratitude for the moments of joy and connection you share with your children, rather than dwelling on the times when things don’t go as planned. By reframing negative thoughts and focusing on the positives, you can cultivate a mindset of resilience and self-acceptance.

Practical Tips for Prioritizing Self-Care

Schedule self-care activities: Treat self-care as non-negotiable appointments in your calendar. Whether it’s a weekly yoga class, a monthly spa day, or simply taking 15 minutes each day to unwind with a book, carve out dedicated time for self-care and stick to it. Prioritizing self-care requires intentionality and commitment, but the benefits are well worth the effort.
Set boundaries: Learn to say no to obligations and commitments that drain your energy and detract from your well-being. Prioritize activities and relationships that nourish your soul and bring you joy. Don’t hesitate to politely decline anything that doesn’t align with your priorities. Setting boundaries is essential for preserving your mental and emotional health, allowing you to focus on what truly matters to you.
Involve your support network: Don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family members, or support groups for needed assistance. Whether it’s asking a loved one to watch the kids for an afternoon or seeking advice from fellow mothers who understand what you’re going through, building a support network can help alleviate feelings of isolation and overwhelm. Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you need it.

Resources for Further Assistance

The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown
“Mommy Burnout: How to Reclaim Your Life and Raise Healthier Children in the Process” by Dr. Sheryl G. Ziegler
Postpartum Support International (postpartum.net)
National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org)
Local mothers’ groups or parenting classes
Online forums and Facebook groups for mothers (San Francisco Bay Area Pregnancy & Postpartum Community)

Impact of Mom Guilt

According to a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, 70% of mothers report feeling guilty about not spending enough time with their children. 60% feel guilty about taking time for themselves. Mom guilt can take a toll on mothers’ mental health, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and depression. Left unchecked, mom guilt can negatively impact parenting effectiveness and overall well-being. This highlights the importance of addressing and overcoming these feelings.

Mom guilt is something that many mothers face, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your struggles. By understanding the triggers of mom guilt, practicing self-compassion, and prioritizing self-care, you can take proactive steps to overcome feelings of guilt and reclaim your sense of well-being. Remember, you deserve to thrive, not just survive, in motherhood. Embrace imperfection, set realistic expectations, and prioritize your own needs alongside those of your family. With time, patience, and support, you can overcome mom guilt and cultivate a happier, healthier life for yourself and your loved ones. If you are needing extra support after bringing your little one home, remember that we at Bay City Doulas are here to help!

Thank you for reading this week’s post, ”Overcoming Mom Guilt.” For more tips and tricks on all things pregnancy, postpartum, and parenthood visit our weekly blog.